lunatrope: (Lunatrope)

Fools rush in where angels fear to tread

...and I am that Fool

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Created on 2013-08-11 16:16:54 (#2066479), last updated 2013-09-06 (211 weeks ago)

4 comments received, 3 comments posted

3 Journal Entries, 4 Tags, 0 Memories, 9 Icons

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Birthdate:Oct 20
Just a girl trying to find her way in this illusion we call "Life".

I have discovered that I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. I have had it for quite some time, and looking back, I can recall several instances in which huge red red flags were very visible. They were glaring even and yet, they were also ignored. Not only by myself, but those around me. Even various trained professionals. Through the years, it continued to grow worse and worse and now, here I am. At the very bottom. I'm even in the process of a divorce largely due to the fact that it has went undiagnosed for so long. I don't have a support system of any sort so, I kinda just do the best I can during those dark times when I am being plagued the feelings of abandonment and worthlessness. Obviously it's not an easy task. But it is where I have found myself and so, I am going to try and make the most of this situation.

I'm a REAL person with a REAL story and a VERY REAL need for help. This is a feeble attempt to document my life and the issues I face as well as the journey in getting the help I need. Last but not least it is for recording my (sometimes pathetic) efforts to rebuild my life from the splinters scattered on the ground. It could get quite ugly. Not going to lie.

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Other then that, this is an Open Journal of my life. "Open" means that under no circumstances will any of my entries be made "Friends Only". I am basically placing myself in a very vulnerable position in hopes that I can possibly help others dealing with BPD in the future. I am very well aware that this means I will be targeted by those who have nothing better to do than to make their mark as trolls. But truth of the matter is whatever the trolls are thinking of saying or doing, they shouldn't bother because I’ve heard it before and as such it is very doubtful that I will pay them any mind.

I am moving to post here more because LJ suck ass as they changed the entire site to where I need a translator. -_-

Interests (124):

abandonment, abuse, anxiety, apathy, art, backstabbing, being alone, being alone and afraid, being hated, being lied to, being loved, being violated, betrayal, bleeding, blood, bpd, childhood trauma, communication, crying, cutting, death, depression, desire, disability, disguise, doctors, dreams, drugs, emotional pain, emotions, empathy, emptiness, empty, exit bags, exit strategies, faith, fake friends, fake smiles, faking life, false alliances, feeling stupid, feeling trapped, feeling worthless, feelings, free thought, freedom, friends, graphics, guns, happiness, hating me, hating you, health, heart-break, helium, help, honesty, hope, hopelessness, hypocrisy, icons, insomnia, integrity, knives, knowing myself, liars, lies, life, living in denial, loneliness, love, loyalty, lyrics, manipulators, martital abuse, medication, mental anguish, mental illness, mental institutions, metaphorical thought, meth, methamphetamines, moon, music, night sky, nightmares, open minds, pain, people who listen, personal stories, pretending for you, pretending i am happy, psychology, ptsd, rape, razors, recovery, running away, scars, screaming in my head, secrets, self injury, self mutilation, self-expression, self-medication, sexual abuse, silence, sleep, split-personalities, stars, strength, suicidal tendencies, suicide, support, taboo subjects, tears, torment, torture, trust, truth, wasted life, weakness, writing, youtube

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