Fools rush in where angels fear to tread

I ended up in the hospital again on Friday, August 23, 2013.

This time it had nothing to do with my depression and had everything to do with me being terrified of myself.

What I remember:

Thursday night Aug. 22, I had a migraine from hell. I took about 5 Tylenol PM and 3-5 Benedryl in order to knock me out so I could get some sleep. On top of my migraine, I was feeling extremely lonely (but not suicidal). I took my meds, locked my bedroom door and laid down. The next morning (Friday the 23rd) - I woke up in my estranged husband's bedroom (which is right next to mine). I was a little confused but just blew it off and went back to my room.

The sight that greeted me caused me to go into shock. My room was completely trashed. Drawers were yanked from my dresser and all my clothes dumped everywhere. My desk looked as though someone had taken their arm and swiped everything onto the floor. My computer was knocked over, my shrine in my closet was totally trashed and I could do nothing but stare blankly. At one point I remember venturing into my room to turn my pc tower upright, but that was all. I looked down at my right arm to find I had sliced it to ribbons. I don't remember doing that... I am right handed.. when I did cut, I always preferred my left arm..

Next thing I knew I was in my car and my Ex was driving me back to the hospital. On the way I kept repeating that "I didn't do it. I didn't do it. It wasn't me".

After that, I remember waking up in my hospital room. Still in shock. Still trying to piece things together.

As of today... the day of my discharge; I still don't know what happened.

At any rate, I'm home now. Doctors keep telling me I need to not be alone... so come Monday; I will have a roommate. *blinks*

Took a month, but I am out. I feel better this time around, though quite frankly I have no idea what to do with myself. This is the first time I actually sat at my computer. I have been writing though. In paper journals, of course. I dont know if I will transcribe. I probably will but not all of it.

Not going to get too deep today.

I woke up early this morning to let my cats (I have 3) in and one had a bird in his mouth. At first I thought it was dead but that turned out not to be the case. Little thing had been banged up quite a bit but was still alive. I put it in a tank with some water and chicken feed. a few hours ago. I wasn't certain it would make it, but she seems to be doing much better. Hopping and fluttering around. Still... I think I will wait at least 24 hours before setting her free.

But yeah.. I am home. And for once, not completely suicidal.